Life is Built Around Tests

I originally was going to blog about how standardized tests do nothing but give statistics and disappoint those who take them, but when I titled this blog something spoke to me.  

I have, over the past few months, realized that God is continually testing me, nudging me to fully trust him.  In more than one way has he provided evidence that he is in control.  

My husband lost his job three months ago.  The first thing that pops into someone's mind going through such a situation is "How are we going to survive this?"  But there really should be one answer to all life's troubles:  God.  He had done nothing but care of us.  When we were wondering how we would pay for things, HE has provided money at the very time we've needed it.  

It's a test for us and we've both realized that trusting God rather than living for ourselves, trying to control those things around us, isn't necessarily easy, but it opens our eyes to how great HE is in this sad world we call home. 

When my son was born, I had a hard time taking him to daycare or letting him stay with a family member or friend.  I was always afraid that a fire would break out at daycare and he would be the only one left behind.  I have a fear that the person driving the car will wreck and he'll die or that he and I will be in a car accident and he'll die and I'll live.  

It sounds funny and unrealistic, a little irrational, but thoughts like this flood my mind on a daily basis.  The one thing I've learned is I can't worry about it.  I have to give my son's life totally to God and pray that he will protect him and keep him safe.  It's the only way for me to make it through my day.  A test from God to trust.  

My Mother is dying of metastatic breast cancer.  A large tumor is growing in her brain.  She has had two brain surgeries within a two year period and did fine in the surgeries.  Unfortunately, the surgeries only helped for a small amount of time, a time she and her family have cherished.  Thank the Lord he gave her this long.  

God has given her time to see the birth of my son, she's gotten to see his first birthday and see him walk.  She has gotten to travel, she really preferred cruises, she's gotten to help others, encourage them.  Although she has gotten to see and do things, she always lived and is still living her life for Jesus Christ.  

On a regular basis people tell me how much she means to them, what she's done for them, how she's helped their family in years past.  I'm honored to have such a Mother, but her time is short.  

It's hard watching her pass away so slowly.  She's now sleeping more, eating less, making her way to heaven.  But my one question I ask every night is "Why can't you just take her, Lord?"  I don't fully understand why allowing her to die so slowly is necessary, she's been bedridden since March, but I have to remind myself that God is in control and he's still working.  

As I said earlier that I didn't intentionally mean to write about God testing me, but I believe God is doing just that with my Mom.  I'm learning how to trust God in situations that I don't understand, learning to persevere in such a time of grief.  

I pray that God continues to work and I and my family continue to see his hand work in and around our lives.  He is always here for us and always here for anyone who calls upon his name.  How sweet is that name.